I was in a relationship with the father of my children for 5 years before we split. The reason why we split is because of his disgusting cheating! During our relationship I was faithful, and NO we didn’t always see eye to eye; but for him to cheat on me numerous amounts of time was unfair. So a year ago we split for good after I tested positive for an STD. It scared the shit out of me, seriously.
At that point I realized that he didn’t care about me or our family! So we split, but we still have two  children who adore there father with every ounce of their beings.
We came up with a “common ground” for the kids!
- We wouldn’t introduce them to anyone that we weren’t serious about.
- Our drop off location would be at a family members house.
- We wouldn’t argue in front of them, no matter how frustrated we’ve become.
Guess what? All of those rules went out of the window immediately.
He started dating someone, and during my children’s weekend visit she stayed over with them! He’s always late, which causes us to argue in front of the children every-time. PLUS, I’ve witnessed him feeding the children negativity about our relationship; saying things like, “If your mom let’s me see you guys. Or I know your unhappy… etc…” Which has caused me stop them from going around him for a while.
But that’s not what I want to do! I just want to learn how to “co-parent” for the children, and keep things moving.
Girl, what should I do?
Hey Girl, Hey!
This letter hit “home” for me in so many ways! And I wish that I could help, but honestly I’m in a similar situation. And I’m ashamed to say that I’ve been in this situation for 3 years now.
My daughter will be 7 years old in April and I still haven’t mastered the art of co-parenting with her father!
We were together “on and off” for 7 years; and YES, he also had a huge problem with cheating which was also the ultimate cause of our demise.
But I don’t hate him, and I too wish that we could figure out a way to co-parent for our daughter. And I’ve realized that you learn MORE about the person you were with when you guys separate then ever before. And what I don’t do is BASH my daughter’s father, because I’m a firm believer that she’s going to see his true colors as she grows up as well. So I won’t have to say anything!
The same goes for you!
I’m not saying to keep your children away from their father, but if you guys can’t stop arguing in front of the kids then you may have to bring in a third party. Then it’ll be that parties job to exchange the children and make sure that everything goes smoothly. That way, you guys will only have to speak on a “need to be” basis [ and you can do so through text]. OR, you can also go through that party.
If there is no family member willing to take on that role, then go to court and have someone appointed.
My biggest goal is to make sure that my daughter has peace, calm, stability, and love unconditionally. And I’m not willing to allow anyone to disturb that…. no even her father! However, I’ve stated over and over that once he’s in the same head space then we can try the whole “co-parenting” thing again.
This may not be the best thing for you, but it’s working for my child. And at times, it sickens me to my stomach that things must be this way.
I’m no expert! I’m honest! I’m trying! And I promised you guys that I’d be transparent in these letters!
So girl, we’re in a similar boat!
Do what works for your children!