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Hey Girl, I Told Him I’m Abstinent And He Never Called Back!


Hey Girl,

So I’m writing this letter because I recently heard your podcast with Author Bernice Wooden where you guys spoke about celibacy and abstinence.

I’ve been practicing abstinence for 6 months now and I feel amazing. I feel renewed and on the right path to finding the perfect man. Initially I wasn’t going to date. But two months ago I decided to give things a try and I got “ghosted” on…..

I went on a few dates [with guys I’d met on eharmony], and I really started to like one of the men. Of course, I could tell that he equally liked me!

We’d gone on a total of 5 dates, some at night, during the day, and even a casual coffee meet-up for a few minutes. I was so smitten by this man who seemed to be a BOSS in all areas of his life.

But here’s where things change…….

One evening after our date, he drove me home, walked me to my doorstep, and gave me a kiss [as he’d always done before]. Only this time the kiss seemed a little more passionate and I was ALL THE WAY FOR IT. In between breathing, he asked if he could come in and I told him it was too late and I wasn’t ready.

While clearly frustrated, he understood and left!

That night, I went back and forth with myself contemplating whether or not I should tell him about my journey into abstinence. Would he understand? Would he care?

The next day at work, I decided I would go for it. I texted him asking if he could chat and he said yes. When we got on the call I told him that there was a reason why I didn’t want him to come in last night. I explained to him that I’m practicing abstinence! Not that I’m waiting until marriage for sex, but until the right time for me [personally].

It seemed like he understood. In fact, he said, “I understand and I respect your journey.” Then we hung up with hopes of talking later like always. Only later has now turned into months. I’ve reached out via phone, text, and email. No response! His profile isn’t even active anymore on eharmony! This guy has completely gone ghost!

It’s so frustrating because I actually really liked him. Should I try reaching out one more time?



Let that go! Let it burn! 

I’m glad you like the interview with Bernice. We really had a good time with that one! So as you already know, she’s celibate and I’m abstinent. She’s waiting until marriage, and like you I’m waiting until I find the person worthy enough to have me.

Two months from now will make 1 complete year of abstinence for me. And based on this journey, let me be the first to say that this won’t be the last time you’ll get ghosted on.

If you listened to the full interview, Bernice said the same thing. She’s been “ghosted” on so much it’s insane!

For some reason, most men are intimidated by the words celibacy and abstinence.

Do I think you should have waited more time to tell him? Maybe. But if you felt it was the right time, then IT WAS THE RIGHT TIME. The only thing I would have done differently was tell him in person rather than the phone. And that’s because I can truly tell how someone feels based on their body language.

I probably would have known that it would’ve been the last time we would’ve hung out!

Saving yourself is something scared, and a thing not most can not do! Don’t allow anyone to disrupt your vowel to yourself and/or God based on their choice to “not understand.” Let his ass go….. there’s more fish in the sea.

Hopefully this helps.


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