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Hey Girl, I’m DEFEATED!


Hey Girl,

Ever felt defeated? Ever felt like the walls around you were literally caving in, and there is absolutely nothing that you can do about it? Ever felt like you were drowning and knew that no one would come to your rescue? Ever just want to throw in the towel?

That’s me right now. I actually feel like crying while writing this letter to you!

Nothing in my life is going as planned right now. My career [well I thought I was on the right track only to be kicked back 5 notches], my love life [has sucked for quite some time now], friends [what are those?], family [we live so far away from one another].

I seriously feel like I live on an island alone!

And before I go any further, NO i’m not contemplating harming myself. I just want to find happiness and peace, yet I don’t know where to begin.

Can you at least point me in the right direction?


Hey Girl, Hey!

You have me tearing up while responding! I was once in a similar dark place, and NO I wasn’t contemplating harming myself either. It was after the break up with my daughter’s father and I was just lost. Lost in my personal, lost in business, lost as now a single mom, just LOST.

But can I tell you that things will get better!

You may not want to hear that right now, because I didn’t; but it’s the truth. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to make the choice not to give up.

In your case, I’d even suggest seeking some sort of therapy. You need someone to sit down with, who is completely neutral. Someone who you can vent to at least once every two weeks. I learned one of life’s BIGGEST lessons during one of my personal sessions with my then therapist Latoya. She asked, “Why are you so afraid to let go of things that mean you no good?” It was because I was petrified of change, of being lonely, not being accepted, and not being mentally strong enough to push past the pain in order to find my purpose.

Yes, I was speaking those negative thoughts out loud…… and I truly started to believe them; which is what I see you doing now.

True happiness and peace first begins with you! No person, no job, no situation, and no materialistic thing will ever give you true happiness and peace. It has to come from within! No matter how long or how tough the process, we gotta learn how to do the internal work.

It took me two years to REALLY get over the hump, and I’m still a work in progress to this very day. But I’m thankful that I’m not where I use to be, who I use to be, and accepting things that depreciated my value.

So my advice to you would definitely be to seek out a therapist in your area. You need to vent! Next, pick up a book that has helped me called “The Woman Code” by Sophia A. Nelson and actually DO THE WORK she’s asking you to do. Then lastly, it seems like you’d have the support of your family if you weren’t so far away. So maybe you should give a little thought to moving back around your family, at least until you build up enough mental strength to give things another go!

Side-note: Always remember life can’t be planned, no matter how much you want things to happen TIMING is everything.

Hopefully this helps! I’m here anytime you need to chat. Just shoot the email! It doesn’t have to only be for letters.


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