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Hey Girl! My Single Friend Just Don’t Understand…..

[11/10/2017]

Hey Girl,

I’ve been dating my current boyfriend for roughly two [2] years. In the beginning of our relationship everything was PERFECT, as things always are. However recently we’ve been arguing a lot, and NO he hasn’t cheated! You wouldn’t believe it, but most of our arguments stem from my best friend!

She has an opinion about EVERYTHING, and it drives my boyfriend crazy!

I love my friend dearly, we’ve had a relationship since we were little kids so I trust and value her advice. But sometimes she goes just a little too hard!

Prime example:

Prior to my relationship with my boyfriend, he was involved with another woman for almost 7 years. They never got married because he had trust issues with her [which ultimately ended their relationship]. For 6 years he was told that their son was in fact HIS child, only to find out that he wasn’t! However, he’d already built a relationship with this little boy.

So even-though he and the woman split, he still maintains a relationship with the child. Sometimes it bothers me, but I understand his logic behind it. Plus, I go with him to pick the little boy up, drop him off, spend time with him, etc…… I’m never excluded. And both my boyfriend and his ex has made it perfectly clear that they’ve moved on and see no future with one another.

So one day when I was really frustrated, I vented to my best friend about the situation and NOW she just won’t leave it alone!

She’s always telling me that something’s going on between my boyfriend and his ex, how their both damaging the little boy, how I deserve better, etc……Which I’ve shared with my boyfriend [well, not all of it].

My friend is single with no kids, and strongly believes that I should be dating someone “equally yoked.” 

NOW, my boyfriend doesn’t want to be around her AT ALL. So I’m having to choose between who I want to spend time with frequently. I’m literally STUCK IN THE MIDDLE.

Girl, what should I do?

ADVICE:

Hey girl, HEY!

Girl, girl, girl! This shit is messy! So you know I’m going to keep things ALL THE WAY REAL with you right?!

IT’S YOUR DAMN FAULT!

Point blank, period.

I learned a long time ago NOT to take advice from people who weren’t experiencing the same thing as me, or hadn’t been in my situation at one point or another within their lives. Period! How can she tell you how to react, when she’s never had to go through it? 

Also, you can’t share only the BAD times with your friend and expect her to indulge in your bliss when things are good. Why?! Because she only knows that bad shit, so she could careless when things are good. You created that situation! Anyone who loves you will grow angry if you continuously tell them how bad someone is treating you, or ALL horrible situations. So yes, I blame you! And I also blame you for the reason why your boyfriend doesn’t want to be around your best friend.

YOU decided to tell him all of the negative shit that your best-friend had to say about him.

Stop volunteering information that’s unwarranted! 

YOU are the reason why YOUR in such an uncomfortable place, and who said that you and your boyfriend weren’t equally yoked! Every relationship has it’s up and downs, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t meant for one another. Geeshhhhh!

Now, this is what you need to do:

Have a conversation with your best-friend first! I mean a REAL heart to heart. Let her know your true feelings for your boyfriend, and how you respect her opinion but she’s not in your situation so you don’t NEED it. Assure her that your safe with him [if it’s true], and that when you need her help you’ll ask. Also let her know that any disrespect toward your situation will NOT be tolerated. Simply put:

“If you like it, she LOVES it.”

Then what I need for you to do is STOP telling her shit. Learn to keep some things to yourself and deal with it amongst your relationship and home.

Next, have a conversation with your boyfriend! Let him know that your best friend was coming from a concerned place, and you understand if he doesn’t want to hang around her BUT she will be in your life regardless. So either he deals with it, or he doesn’t! Just like you deal with his situation. But no one is going to make you choose!

Also, if you feel a way about the child BE HONEST and let him know your true feelings. Otherwise, you’re accepting the situation and therefore you cannot complain.

After you chatted with BOTH of them, maybe their now on the same page. If so, host a mixer or dinner and invite everyone. Play games, have great convo, etc….. Create a relaxing atmosphere where they can both understand/see why you LOVE each of their personalities so much!

If that doesn’t work then girl, I don’t know what to tell you!

-KierraM

About kmwexclusive@gmail.com

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